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Beer Syndicate Previews Fake Brews from the News

It was only a matter of time before fake news penetrated the beer world.  And with that, here are previews of three fake brews from the news:

Black Out Brett
Mark your calendars because no matter what, one of the most controversial releases of the decade is set to hit the shelves from the critically-acclaimed Dog & Pony Show Brewing Co. out of Washington, D.C.  Sworn in at a staggering 19.82% ABV, Black Out Brett is an American strong dark ale fermented with 100% brettanomyces yeast, and especially brewed for those people who categorically and unequivocally like beer.  Regardless of your politically leanings, Black Out Brett is guaranteed to be a carefully calculated and orchestrated hit!

Black Out Brett

Banksy’s Going, going, gone… Gose

The inspiration for this limited-release brew was ripped straight from the headlines after the iconic painting Girl with Red Balloon from famed England-based graffiti artist “Banksy” self-destructed as it was fed through a shredder hidden inside the frame moments after being sold at auction for $1.4 million.  Not long after, the anonymous Banksy posted to Instagram “Going, going, gone…”, summing up the moment he literally and figuratively made art history.

Meanwhile, in a case of art imitating art, Banky’s Going, going, gone… Gose from the London-based Now You See It, Now You Don’t Brewing Co. not only captures that sour moment in a bottle with this acidic ale, but the bottle itself also actually self-destructs upon opening when a widget inside the bottle triggers the bottom of the bottle to open, causing the beer inside to fall out.

Banksy's Going, going, gone... Gose!

Shock Value IP-Ye!

Never known for resorting to shock value for attention, this brew pays homage to the rapper formerly known as Kanye West for doing the one thing Ye never does: resorting to shock value for attention.  A special one-time release from the Chicago-based brewery Optional Slavery, Shock Value IP-Ye! is ornately packaged in a 24-karat gold bottle, making it not only the world’s most expensive beer at $100,000 a pop, but also the world’s hoppiest brew weighing in at jaw dropping 1 billion IBUs thanks to a MAGA-dose of ultra-concentrated hop extract.  Shock Value IP-Ye! is so needlessly over the top that it’ll make even Tyler Swift scream “Good Yeezus!

Shock Value IP-Ye!

[Proceeds from this beer go to support Mr. West’s 2024 U.S. presidential bid featuring running mate Beyoncé.]

Most Expensive Beer in the World


Hi, I’m D.J. Pander.  I like beer.  I also blog. Follow me on Myspace.

[To the best of our knowledge, all of the proceeding beers are fictional parodies based on world events that may or may not have happened.]

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The Six “New” Beer Styles of 2018

It was revealed at the 2018 National Homebrew Conference by Gordon Strong, current president of the Beer Judge Certification Program, that six beer styles are on the verge of being officially canonized into the defacto authority on beer styles, the BJCP Beer Style Guidelines.

Technically these new beer styles aren’t exactly new, nor have they yet been formally inducted into the BJCP Beer Style Guidelines as fully-fledged beer styles because the guidelines are only revised every five years or so. This means that until the next revamp of the guidelines occurs, these “new” beer styles are considered “provisional” and may be subject to revision.

That said, in addition to the already 121 existing BJCP beer styles, the new provisional styles are:

1. New England IPA: Generally an American IPA but with intense fruit flavor and aroma, soft body, smooth mouthfeel, often opaque, hazy, less perceived bitterness, always hop-forward, “juicy”, malt in background, with a soft finish and no sulfate bite.

2. Grisette: Essentially a session version of a saison ale with wheat, Grisette was originally associated with coal miners in Belgium, whereas saison is said to have originated with Belgian farm workers.  Being a close cousin to saison, Grisette exhibits a saison-like aroma (spicy, phenolic, fruit/citrusy), high carbonation, big white head, and is often dry-hopped.

3. New Zealand Pilsner: This style can be brewed as either an ale or lager and is similar to a German Pils, but is not as crisp and sharp in the finish, has a softer, maltier balance with slightly more body. NZ Pils utilizes New Zealand hop varieties (Motueka, Riwaka, Nelson Sauvin, etc.) which commonly exhibit notes of tropical fruit, melon, lime, gooseberry, grass, and citrus.
New Zealand Pilsner

4. Burton Ale:  Popular in Burton, England before IPAs were invented, and widely exported to the Baltic countries, Burton ales are dark, rich, malty, sweet, and bitter with moderately strong alcohol. Full bodied and chewy with a balanced hoppy finish and a complex malty and hoppy aroma. Dark dried fruit notes accentuate the malty richness, while the hops help balance the sweeter finish.
Burton Ale

5. Mexican Lager: A dry refreshing lager that usually incorporates corn, noble-type hops, and always uses Mexican yeast. The range of the style is wide in terms of bitterness, hops, and malt flavor, but is modeled around craft versions (Ska’s Mexican Logger, etc.), not mass-produced industrial examples.

6. Catharina Sour: A local Brazilian style, this light and sour fruit beer exhibits clean lactic sourness (not funk or acetic vinegar notes), strong and immediately noticeable fresh fruit character (often tropical), low bitterness, light body, high carbonation and incorporates wheat at roughly equal proportions to barley. With an ABV of 4-5.5%, Catharina sour is like a stronger version of a Berliner Weisse (not as sour as a lambic or gueuze), refreshing, and typically kettle soured, followed by a clean ale yeast fermentation.


Hi, I’m Dan: Beer Editor for BeerSyndicate.com, Beer and Drinking Writer, Award-Winning Brewer, BJCP Beer Judge, Beer Reviewer, American Homebrewers Association Member, Shameless Beer Promoter, and Beer Traveler.

 

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Analysis of the Hangover Cures from Three Sheets

If you’ve never heard of the drinking/travel show Three Sheets, well, not to oversell it, but it is very likely the greatest drinking show.  Ever.  Over the course of four seasons (52 episodes), endearingly witty host Zane Lamprey (a.k.a. “The Guinea Pig of Booze”) traversed the globe and imbibed in everything from a majestic $10,000 bottle of 50-year-old scotch in Scotland, to snake penis wine in Taiwan.

[Three Sheets Logo]

(By the way, if you missed the original series run, you can find it on YouTube, Hulu, etc.  And if you’re thirsty for new episodes, you’re in luck because Three Sheets is coming back!)

Of course, being a dedicated drinking diplomat usually comes at a price which is customarily paid in the form of a hangover.  But with almost every new hangover came a hangover cure— some more effective than others.

That said, sometimes the actual effectiveness of the hangover cures presented on the show was a bit vague.  But we did our homework, and it turns out that there’s actually a Three Sheets book (4.5/5 stars on Amazon) that offered more clarity.  So in the spirit of thoroughness, we’ll take a look at the hangover cures/remedies listed on the show and book.

(If you’re curious what caused the hangover in each episode, check out our quasi episode guide called Every Hangover Cure from Three Sheets.)

Analysis of the Hangover Cures from Three Sheets (T.V. Show)

We’re going to keep this analysis pretty simple and only look at four things: (1) the hangover cure from a given episode, (2) the country/city with which the cure is associated, (3) the cultural accuracy of the cure, and (4) the cure’s effectiveness.  To be fair, in cases where we were unable to confirm the cultural accuracy of a given hangover cure, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not culturally accurate.

Also, it should go without saying that the effectiveness of a given hangover cure is purely based on Zane’s personal experience, so your mileage may vary.  In addition, not every episode of Three Sheets contains a hangover cure either because no hangover was reported, as with the Japan and Greece episodes, or simply because none was given, as with the episodes for London, New York, Vince, Barcelona, Saigon, Cognac, Lithuania, and Barbados.

Lastly, we didn’t list the hangover cure for the Poland episode (splashing around at an indoor waterpark) mainly because Zane pointed out that getting in water was one of his personal hangover cures and it was therefore not directly linked to that particular country.  (This might also explain why we weren’t able to confirm the cultural accuracy of similar hangover cures for Denmark, Croatia and Tahiti.)

Below is a sortable list of the hangover cures from Three Sheets (T.V. Show):

Hangover Cure
(T.V.)
Country/
City
Confirmed as
Culturally Accurate?
Did it work?
ChocolateBelgiumNoYes
Tortas ahogadas (meat sandwich w/ hot sauce)Tequila (Mexico)YesYes
A cold dip in the AdriaticCroatiaNoYes
Fried shrimp, shrimp ceviche, frog legs, and beetle larvaThe PhilippinesYesYes
A liver-targeted reflexology massageTaipei (Taiwan)NoYes
Açaí (smoothie)Rio de Janeiro (Brazil)YesYes
Lamprey eelPortugalYesYes
An icy cold dip in the Limfjord sea.DenmarkNoYes
Pad kee mao (spicy drunken noodles).Bangkok (Thailand)YesYes
A canyon swing over a 360 foot canyon.New ZealandNoYes
Swimming with the dolphinsTahitiNoYes
Poutine and beerWhistler (Canada)YesYes
Sancocho soupPanamaYesYes
Marijuana (tea)JamaicaNoYes
Irish coffeeIrelandSort of. Alcohol in general is, not specifically "Irish coffee".Unknown, but yes per the book.
Champagne and a hamburgerLas Vega (USA)NoUnknown, but yes per the book.
Scrambled ostrich eggCape Town (South Africa)YesUnknown, but yes per the book.
Chicken soupTanzaniaYes, "supu" (soup) chicken or otherwise.Maybe, but yes per the book.
Coffee/coffee+beer/coffee+brandyCosta RicaSort of. Alcohol in general is.Maybe. (The booze got Zane drunk again.)
MicheladaBelizeYesMaybe. (Hangover was postponed.)
White sausage (veal) and a pretzelMunich (Germany)YesMaybe, but not instantly.
Sopa marina (seafood soup)ChileYes (a.k.a. Caldillo de Congrío)Maybe
A lomilomi (Hawaiian-style) massageHawaiiNoMaybe
Fish stew with hot saucePuerto RicoSort of. Asopao (chicken & rice soup) is, but fish stew isn't.Maybe
Herring sandwichAmsterdam (Netherlands)YesMaybe
Scrambled eggs, biscuits, sausage with a drink of coffee and whiskyKentucky, USANoNot fully
Cockles and laverbreadWalesYesNo
Haejang-guk (hangover soup)South KoreaYesUnknown
ChampagneChampagne (Fr.)NoUnknown
A soak in a beer bathCzech RepublicNoUnknown
Fire cuppingHong KongYesUnknown
Fried eggs, fried toast, beans, pork sausage and Danish baconGibraltarNoUnknown
A hamburger with a battered and fried patty, battered and fried candy bars, and fried pizzaScotlandNoUnknown
BBQ and yerba matéArgentinaNoUnknown
A buttery baked potatoMoscow (Russia)NoUnknown
Zip-liningSt. MartinNoUnknown
(1) Riding a quad and (2) downing "Buffalo Milk" (mixed drink)Namibia(1) No, and (2) yesUnknown
Labskaus (corned beef, onions and potatoes)Hamburg (Germany)YesUnknown
Black pudding, Cumberland sausage, smoked herring, a pork sausage and a double-vodka bloody MaryNewcastle (England)Yes (English breakfast & alcohol)Unknown
Lobster soup and Icelandic vodkaIcelandNoUnknown

The chart below shows how common a particular hangover cure from Three Sheets was:

* Because the composition of “breakfast food” can vary from culture to culture, we use the term when a given culture refers to their dish/hangover cure as breakfast food.

Analysis of the Hangover Remedies from Three Sheets (Book)

For this analysis, we keep it really simple and just list three things: (1) the hangover remedy, (2) the country/city with which the hangover remedy is associated, and (3) the remedy’s effectiveness.

By the way, the book points out that there is no such thing as a total hangover cure (because that wouldn’t stay a secret for long), and therefore uses the term hangover remedy instead of cure.

In addition, the book spells out the effectiveness of all but one hangover remedy by assigning each one a rating of 1 – 3 (or 4) sheets.  To explain, “a hangover remedy that gets a one-sheet rating would do the trick if you only had a few beers the night before.  Two sheets is for the morning after you had more than a few but you still remember how you got home.  A remedy that’s three sheets is effective for even the surliest of hangovers— the ones that usually linger until well into the next evening.”

And last but not least, despite the fact that the book is clearer than the show when it comes to hangover remedies, only 15 remedies were discussed, some of which were different than what were featured on the show.

Below is a sortable list of the hangover remedies from Three Sheets (Book):

Hangover Remedy (Book)Country/CityEffectiveness
(1 - 4 Sheets)
Onion soupChampagne, France1
HaggisScotland1
Mussels & friesBelgium2
Green tea, miso soup and "genki" caffinated drinksJapan2
Liver-targeted reflexology massageTaipei (Taiwan)2
MatéArgentina2
Chicken soupTanzania2
Scrambled ostrich eggSouth Africa2
Pickle soupPoland2
Irish coffeeIreland3
Tortas ahogadas (meat sandwich w/ hot sauce)Tequila, Mexico3
Champagne & a hambugerLas Vegas, USA3
Marijuana (tea)Jamaica4
Canyon swing (like a bungee jump)New Zealand4
Coconut juice w/ a shot of ginSt. MartinInconclusive

Last Words

In an interview, Zane candidly summed up his experience with hangover cures:

Q: Have you ever experienced a hangover cure that actually worked?

A: If I had found something that was a hangover cure, I would have much more money than I do now. I definitely have found remedies. A big meal and go back to sleep is the best I can do. I’ve done cold water a few times.

Q: You’re not talking about drinking cold water?

A: No, submerging my entire self into it. Your endorphins and your adrenaline start pumping because your body thinks you’re about to die so at that point your hangover becomes tertiary. I think that’s the best you can do — put your hangover in third place.

Cheers!


Hi, I’m Dan: Beer Editor for BeerSyndicate.com, Beer and Drinking Writer, Award-Winning Brewer, BJCP Beer Judge, Beer Reviewer, American Homebrewers Association Member, Shameless Beer Promoter, and Beer Traveler.

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